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Fostering a Cat, Not SURE I Can Let Her Go

This is a special section for cats needing new homes and for inspiring stories of cats that have found their furever home through Catster or through the love and energy of rescuers. This is also the place to discuss shelters, rescue organizations, rescue strategies, issues, solutions, etc. and how we can all help in this critical endeavor. Remember that we are all here for the love of cat! If you are posting about a cat that needs a new home, please put your location in the topic of your thread so those close by can find you! Make sure to check out Catster's cat adoption center!

  
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Mya

1176240
 
 
Purred: Sun Nov 25, '12 6:38pm PST 
I have been fostering this cat, for too long because now I am so attached I don't know if I can let her go. I already have two cats that I can barely keep vetted and fed. Between that and having to take a job with less pay, I shudder to think of what the extra vet bills will do for my already meager finances. I have no savings, no retirement, nothing. I survive by the grace of roommates. I feel like by keeping this cat, having three will harm chances even further when it is time to solicit a new roommate. That happens about once or twice a year.

I hate to sound like a crazy cat lady, but my worries are quadruple.

I love this cat, but finacially and health wise having an extra cat is not the best move.

Truth be told I am allergic. When I am at home, I am always stuffy, my head hurts, and basically I wake up looking like hell everyday with a huge circles and bags under my eyes. When I am away from home, as I am now, my allergies miraculously clear-up. In short, the extra dander isn't helping. That, and I have to keep her litter box in my room which isn't making my room smell too fresh. (Both of my bathrooms are too small to keep a litterbox in. I goofed up majorly in the housebuying department.)

If I don't keep her, my local cat adoption team will vet a great new owner, but still..... I know she will be extra careful, but I have this horrible fear of 'LOVE" getting into the wrong hands, and being abandoned or worse. I know they sign waivers to return the cat if tehy can't take of them for whatever reason, but I worry.

Then I worry that maybe she will miss me. What if she feels like she is being abandoned again?

If I had only taken better care of my fiances, had a bigger place, I would keep her in a heartbeat, despite my allergies.

I just worry about the unknown. That something horrible will happen to her once she is out of my sight and it will be my fault for letting her go.

I cry just thinking about her being gone......cry
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BK

Ambassador at- the Kitty U.N.
 
 
Purred: Mon Nov 26, '12 3:30pm PST 
You can't keep them all - it's not fair to them or you. I've had hundreds of fosters and yes, some tug at your heart more than others. The way I try to think of it is that if I let them go to good homes I can help another one. If I don't foster what will happen to the next cat that needs my help?
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George,- Mary & Willy- Darcy

In Residence at- Pemberly
 
 
Purred: Thu Nov 29, '12 1:34pm PST 
BK said it best. And you obviously love cats, and what could be worse than not being able to feed and care for them if they became ill.

We all understand how you feel....but PLEASE think about what is best for the cat too.

Purrs,
The New Orleans Kitties
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Dora

Little Explorer
 
 
Purred: Fri Nov 30, '12 4:04pm PST 
I 100% agree with the previous posters. I have fostered a few kittens and while it is hard at times it is important to set limits (for us in the past year we have put down our foot have decided that we will no own more than 3 cats) and understand that you can not keep them all. A year ago we were fostering a litter of kittens and there were two left, the last boy left was a family favorite and we were all quite crazy for him. I did not want to give him to someone else, I too had the same worries as you do, and I had a hard time dealing with the thought of giving him up. But I knew deep down it wouldn't work and then a nice home stepped up & wanted to adopt both him and his sister. Looking back I am so happy I didn't keep him. Giving him up was difficult and many tears were shed but in the long run it was the right decision.

If you know you aren't able to fully care for her then the right thing to do is let her go. It is the sucky part of fostering but it comes with the job.hug
wishes
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Miss Tiny- Burr Burr

Love and adore.
 
 
Purred: Thu Dec 6, '12 3:32am PST 
it sucks when you have to let go of a cat, but everyone is right, you cannot keep them all. There is a fine line between a cat lover and a hoarder, and often that line is the good judgement to say " Keeping this cat is not in the best interest of the cat"

I have been guilty of having too many cats at some points of my life. While it was never a hoarding situation, it could have been if i had not said "No" to cats in need. I lost my job and large apartment and had to move into a very small one. I kept my 2 cats ive had for 7 years and adopted out all of my "failed fosters" from the rescue. I felt bad but i should have adopted them out a long time ago and not have kept them as long as i did. My cats are way better off now. My mom is the same way and cannot say no, but the past few years we both made a commitment to not take in anymore cats.
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Mya

1176240
 
 
Purred: Sat Dec 8, '12 8:47pm PST 
I have drafted an email to the cat adoption lady, but have not sent it yet.

As I said before, financial is a huge part of it. That, and living in such a small house. My townhouse is just over 1,000 square feet with a master bath the size of a closet. Don't ask me what I was thinking when I bought this place.

It feels and sounds selfish, but living with three cats and a roommate I feel sort of overun. I kept my foster kitty "Love" in my room for the first month she was here as she was being treated for fleas and I didn't want to risk a flea infestation. Both she and the fleas are cured cheer, but now she won't leave my room. That in itself isn't a huge problem, but I also have to kee an extra litter box in here with me. It makes me feel like a huge cat lady. That and she seems very sensitive. Her and my male kitty Hershey don't get along. He isn't mean, but he definately likes being in charge and is always coming at her, so she spends most of her dAY eitehr under my covers, under the dresser, or in my closet. My other girl Toni just lets him have it, but Love hisses and cowers from him. Like I said, he isn't mean, he is just being a bratty dominant male cat. I have to watch to make sure she gets her food because he will eat it otherwise.

Do you think I am being selfish? And as far as my allergies, I must have been having a bad day becauae they haven't been as bad as of late. If I had a larger house with a third bedroom or a large master bathroom where I could keep her food and litter box it would be no issue besides the financial of course. I love Love, I wish it didn't have to be this way.



















cry
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BK

Ambassador at- the Kitty U.N.
 
 
Purred: Sun Dec 9, '12 9:15am PST 
It just doesn't seem fair to her or you. Why not let her go to a home where no one bullies or bothers her? Then you could move the box out of your bedroom too. I know it's hard, but I think it's best for both of you.
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Mya

1176240
 
 
Purred: Sun Dec 9, '12 8:22pm PST 
I went ahead and emailed her. Pray really hard that she gets a good home. I can't bear teh thought of her being tossed outside again. It would be my fault for not keeping her.
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Orange Ruffy

The Baboo Kitty- has Spoken!
 
 
Purred: Mon Dec 10, '12 1:31pm PST 
Hi, I understand completely. We have a foster here right now that I love. he's darling, sits in my lap, purrs, puts his paws on my face. He has big ears and I simply love him.
That said, he deserves a chance to have a home where there will be less cats. We went into fostering to save cats, and get them good homes. We have one 'failed foster' and if it were up to me, I would keep Calvin, but we aren't wealthy, and our food bill for our cats exceeds 100 a week sometimes.

You make a complelling argument for giving your little girl up....and for keeping her. I understand the emotions. We kept Midnight because CK loved him, and wanted a buddy near his own age, and when Delilah got adopted CK was depressed fora while.

Calvin is a different story. We got him becuase he was 'cage aggressive' and supposedly a 'hard to adopt cat'. I can't figure that out, myself. he's very very playful, is into everything, climbs cabinets, knocks over garbage, gets on the counters, plays in the fountain...in short, he's a kitten.

And if you do your job as a good foster, you know what...your heart will break but you will be able to keep in touch with adoptors, get pictures of 'your baby' in their new home, and go 'wow....I did good!'

When I get pictures of Delilah and Emily Rose in their new homes, being loved and cherished, I smile through the tears. I missed each perfect little one...but I know they are in good homes-I communicate with their people.

I can tell you that you would not be a good foster mom if you didn't feel the way you do. And sometimes-you do keep them. But you must weigh out the practicalites of what that means. I always wanted a multicat home, my cats are my kids, and I know that each of them are special to me. That said, each foster is too, and they can stay as long as they like til we get them the perfect and most wonderful home.

Let the rescue you are fostering for know you would like to meet the adoptor-most rescues encourage since you know so much about your foster. It may give you a feeling of connection, and relief. If you dn't like somoene let them know, too. You are not required to hand your foster over to anyone you don't feel 100 per cent about.

the feelings you have are so normal....I feel them to. I love Calvin so much.
And I know that he will get a home with someone who will love him and give him what he needs...

Thank you for risking your heart, and putting yourself out there. Thank you for fostering and saving a life.
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Mya

1176240
 
 
Purred: Mon Dec 17, '12 8:06pm PST 
I took Love to her first adoption fair yesterday. It was almost too much for me to take. I felt like such a traitor for putting her into a wire cage. I stood from a far watching and yes, secretly praying that she would be passed by potential adoptees. This day she was, and I got to take her home once again. I could tell she was relievedd too. So here she sits as I write, laying behind my head licking my neck. She and my male kitty Hershey seem to be getting along better today. Maybe, and yet I already told the adoption lady, yes, I want to have her adopted out, no I don't, and again, yes, I do.

I just feel so lost. I feel so attached to her. And yet, I know, if I had more than one cat develope health issues in short succession it wouldn't be good for my bottom line.

I know I have this asked before, but will she remember me after she leaves me?
I sure in the heck won't ever forget her. I can't stop crying thinking about her being gone from here. I can't stop thinking that maybe if something happens to her after I give her away it will be my fault for not keeping her in the first place.

Everytime I think I will be okay about it, she comes up to me and I lose my resoLVE. She is cuddled on my pillow now so peaceful like she is home. How can I take from her?

Sorry, I know I am beating a dead horse here.
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